August 2010
146 posts
4 tags
awesome and creepy
me: in other news, i emailed my friend to hang out, and he's busy going to tranny karaoke
JA: hah
me: i have friends for whom tranny karaoke is an average Saturday night
i think thats .... well, awesome and creepy
JA: awesome
me: and this from a conversation that started with the evils of photo retouching and a debate about the best way to approach it.
JA: huh
me: he's my most feminist friend at the moment, i think
JA: interesting
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11 is so coy
(because there is nothing better than smiling seals - www.buzzfeed.com/mjs538/the-ultimate-collection-of-seals-smiling)
me: OMG seal #28 is photo bombing!!
D: 11 is so coy
me: she's just playing hard to get
while #12, he can see inside your soul
D: yes
I ... I almost posted this to FB with the line "Humpday's seal of approval"
my fingers are still hovering over the enter key even now...
me: oh....i like it
enter, press enter!
D: done
damn my hide
I hate to club people over the head with my humor...
me: d'oh
i was just going to make that joke
or a version thereof
D: sorry
I didn't mean to seal it
me: hahahahahaha
also, look at #18
i didn't know other species did that Facebook style photo!
D: I like #20
me: me too!
he's so funny
D: although 26 is a smug bastard
me: well, he's the best swimmer in the world
he can afford to be
#27 - thats a seal club i'd join
D: well played
me: also, #29 is running for Miss Seal 2010
she'd really like your vote
and for my last seal comment,
#30 is clearly looking for a caption
"How yooou dooohrin?"
D: ahha
yes
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intense critique of weblinks
me: you're welcome
www.youtube.com/watch?v=wouG4GpL1-I
D: 29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l7prn7Moao1qzntt7o1_500.jpg
me: had you stuck with car, i would like it more
D: this my little Pony would be better remixed as singing Fuck You
me: ha, totes
i can't believe someone staged my little pony THEATER
and that they aren't my best friend ever
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ZONG! I started early!
me: it seems to be the day where people in my life tell me nice things about me
i like it
G: well enjoy it while you can.
I’m not supposed to tell you but we all colluded and decided tomorrow is the day we all mock you.
me: oh?
well, thanks for the warning
G: shhh you didn’t hear it from me
me: i'll try to keep my wits about me, so i can hold my own
G: be strong
me: will do, and i'll try to be witty as well
mockery is only funny when its shared
G: no one expects miracles honey
ZONG! I started early!
me: nice
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seriously, i'm funny people
me: you know, only 2 people following sandychats aren't in it
does this make the whole thing meta?
JA: hah
not exactly
but its pretty amusing
me: sad is what it is
why do strangers not read it?
i am so funny!
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not shocked really
D: so am thinking more of a rock (ish) show for Friday
maybe even play electric?
me: oh?
interesting
D: yeah - if I do play acoustic will use my distortion pedal and an amp
and a pick
because of playing opening for a band
me: nice
D: time to dust off the spandex...
me: YES!
D: wait
me: if you wear spandex, i will go see that show
D: have you seen my Spinal Tap tribute show pics
me: um, NO
and WHY NOT?
D: one sec
there are others but kinda scattered around
me: i'm .....
well, not shocked really
but... amused?
definitely
DEFINITELY
LMAO
D: someone even made us a Stonehenge
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we are sisters in spicy meat
me: i forgot to tell you something REALLY important
JZ: oh yes?
me: this place
1492food.com
has chorizo
LOLLIPOPS
Chupachups de Chorizo
JZ: oh sweet jesus
me: "Crispy lollipops with chorizo and tetilla cheese"
it was
DELICIOUS
JZ: wow that's a great menu
i just may have to try it some time!
me: its really great
but, yes, chorizo. lollipops. are amazing.
JZ: that's very good to know, thank you!
me: sure
you know where chorizo is concerned, i have to tell you
JZ: we are sisters in spicy meat
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it's like a mullet
D: newyork.craigslist.org/que/mis/1916260271.html
oohlala!
me: wow
i am so all over him now
breed? yes please! i'd love to make babies with a random CL ad
D: haha
I wonder if the inability to find CAPSLOCK is genetic
me: god, i hope NOT FOR THE SAKE OF THE BABIES
do people think all caps is really more likely to be read?
D: yes
or easier to read
me: but, it really isn't
its an assault on my senses
D: it's like a mullet
the only people who know what it is are the ones who don't have/do it
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Driver arrested after officer finds her distracted... →
D: every detail of this story just gets funnier me: sheesh i was worried they would put my actual photo in…. D: hahah Colondra? is that you? they don’t know the nature of the video. [eyes rolling] me: you caught me! and yes, i think we ALL know the nature of that video
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names changed to protect the smelly
him: he has started wearing Axe the last couple of weeks
and it f'ing stinks up the whole apartment. is there a way to subtly tell him?
I know I am a bit sensitive to perfumes and such...
but...
is there an advice columnist for issues like this?
passive aggressive notes,com?
me: i think you just tell him you're sensitive
perhaps he could be less....vigorous? in his application of the Axe
him: yes
it's the amount really
like I had to close my door this morning
maybe if I walk up and sneeze on him violently
me: or, idk, TALK to him?
you know, the straightforward grown up approach?
him: that might be crazy enough to work
me: i know, right?
i'm trying being a grown up
i'll let you know how it goes
him: jeez
what's next? doing my laundry and cleaning my room?
me: seriously
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i have no idea what a "rocket hub thing" is
D: maybe I should try one of those rocket hub things
I am not very good at asking for moneys
plus sometimes I get down and think the music is not worth it
does the world need more songs about sad computers and werewolf victims?
me: always
D: =)
you always know what to say to a girl
me: ;)
i am a ladies man
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you can't get nerdier
me: at what point in a friendship do you just give up trying to be friends with someone?
JA: meh
put in as much effort as you feel the other person deserves
which is a function of how much you like them, and how much you think they're trying
whoa. am I getting nerdier? I just used function to describe friendship effort.
me: you can't get nerdier
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I wonder what kind of music they like
JA: wow. there's a shared iTunes library showing up in my iTunes called Von Rabbitstein the Terrible
me: Von Rabbitstein the Terrible?
hilarity
JA: I wonder what kind of music they like
Alfred Hitchcock soundtracks, Amy Winehouse, Amelie soundtrack, Bach, Beach Boys, Beck
Belle & Sebastian
Bjork, Dylan
me: wow, is that my itunes library?
JA: hah
me: oh, until you said Bjork
JA: Buzzcocks
me: buzzcocks is not in my music, but maybe should be.
how could Von Rabbitstein the Terrible steer me wrong?
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took refuge under a Datsun
D: gawker.com/5619195/real-live-alligator-emerges-from-new-york-city-sewer
me: i saw that!
its all over them there face books
i love the "took refuge under a Datsun"
excellent reporting, to be specific like that
D: totes
but what the hell color was it?!?!
outrage
me: whoa, i missed that
they are SO slacking
D: right?
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but a hello, hi, i landed would suffice
L: i barely spoke to her...she is now in sydney
me: oh yeah?
L: i was talking to my friends and they were like...she had plenty of internet access in brisbane, she just didn't use it...i was like...true, but a hello, hi, i landed would suffice
me: yeah, thanks for telling us you're not dead, Aussie hobag
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i stand corrected
(it seems I have offended with my misquoting of The Princess Bride. I promise, it won't happen again)
G: FOR SHAME!!
"BYE BYE BOYS...have fun storming the castle"
[THEY LEAVE]
Wife "Do you think it'll Work?"
Max "It'll take a miracle."
me: i stand corrected
G: indeed
misquoting the princess bride is ground for divorce
me: its is a shame, but my only copy is on vhs
its been a while
G: mine too in fact.
still
me: i'm sorry hon, are we divorced now?
G: no you're forgiven
this time
just dont go try quoting the neverending story with that disregard to detail...
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Xenos or something
D: maybe he was into jesus because of his wife?
me: that happens a lot
D: they were in that weird cult "cool" church... Xenos or something
me: there's not a cool church
there's sane-ish, less sane, cult-ish
and HOLYCRAPHOWDIDIENDUPHERE?!!
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I'm down with the PLG
D: man, the only rap lyrics from my hood are about buying apple sauce from the farmer's market.. map.rapgenius.com/
me: what's your neighborhood again?
D: Prospect Lefferts Gardens
me: HAHAHAHA
“This apple sauce is from the apple orchard
This kinda talk is only reserved for the bosses”
— From "Roc Boys (And the Winner Is...)" by Jay-Z
D: I'm down with the PLG
me: my only close neighborhood reference is about McDonalds
“So I meet him when it's busy at that Meeker/Morgan exit
Off that BQE near Mickey D's
And occasionally treat myself to a nice little fish and cheese”
— From "Nissan, Honda, Chevy (Remix)" by Joell Ortiz
I don't even know who Joell Ortiz is
i think you win
D: haha
YES!
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i can't remember the next line
me: and on that note, i go to dinner
D: ok
have fun storming the castle
me: !!!!
i can't remember the next line
D: me either
me: they'll be killed?
D: I think so
they'll never make it
or something
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the pointing and the angry face
(every time i walk by JD, I point and make an angry face. for no reason.)
JD: yo
me: yo
JD: it seems you're my version of chris' angry monkey from family guy
me: how so?
JD: the pointing and the angry face
me: well, someone's got to be your angry monkey
it won't just happen by itself
JD: true
me: so....you're chris?
the big dumb one?
JD: pretty much
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blinding in excessive doses
me: you know, you're not as cheerful as you should be
D: but that's what's funny - I am cheerful in my own way
except that I get cheered up thinking about the apocalypse sometimes
tomato-tomahto
me: you really are a ray of sunshine
D: technically I may be more of a bottle of moonshine
than a ray of sunshine
but close enough
me: i guess i'm the ray of sunshine then
and just as radioactive
or is it just carcinogenic?
D: a bit of both
and like everything, good in non-excessive doses
me: but blinding in excessive doses
i like to think its because i'm too honest, not too cheerful
D: exactly
it's not easy balancing being cheerfully ignorant and cynically realistic
me: no, but its fun
D: exactly
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its a quirk
JA: tweet from a friend of a friend "Finding a penny on the ground doesn't bring you good luck. It brings you poop germs & moot currency."
me: also, i understand my superstitions are unecessary
but i still follow them
JA: =)
me: its a quirk
embrace it
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nigh complete
D: my work as The Enabler is nigh complete
me: yes!!!
wait, isn't the manager supposed to enable?
D: true
but I am not one to wait around for others to enable me
me: true, you're a man of action
D: glass half empty/full? drink it and fill the damn thing
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one step from Jeggings
me: also, i wear tights as pants......
D: haha
me: its unbelievably comfortable
D: I suppose I sort of do too...[self slam]
me: ha, thats right skinny jeans
you're one step from Jeggings
D: no
I spotted those things on the subway and they look awful
I'd sooner wear sweats in public
me: i almost bought a pair
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can i yell your name while you walk away?
JA: we should watch Dirty Dancing sometime
I haven't seen it in forever
me: =D
me: are you going to lift me up while we dance?
can i yell your name while you walk away?
JA: =D
me: will you tell my dad no one puts sandy in a corner
JA: definitely
but only if your dad is a NYPD homicide detective
me: hmmmmm
well, maybe he can change careers?
or what if he just donated his eyes?
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all of the comments are gonad
D: weird
me: ?
D: my status on FB maybe got reported for improper use of Bowie's crotch?
all of the comments are goned
me: did you mean all of the comments are gonad
D: that too
that is weird though
I mean, I see people posting Suicide Girls and shit...
how is Bowie's crotch any different?
me: its better, thats how!
D: well, duh
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the russian is putting in $40 against
JD: i think im going to beat you out of here
i think im done dealing with everyone and the angry room
me: yeah?
i got 29 days
bet $20 you won't beat me
JD: : well since im planning on walking out as soon as the VP comes back, ill need that 20
me: liar
JD: : nope
me: you're really walking out?
do you have a lot in savings?
JD: : im going to talk to him when he gets back and see if they'll hire me per job, so i dont have to deal with the day to day stuff, but yeah i think im pretty much going to walk out
ive been here too long
JD: : no, ill work the full day and then just leave everything here and walk
me: still, $20 against you
we're going to start a betting pool
the russian is putting in $40 against
JD: : so its up to $60?
me: no, because your girlfriend just said “I'll bet $50 he won't before the end of the year”
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i just learned how
me: OMG
YOU tagged yourself!!!!!
whoa
you really are on Facebook now
K: I did!
i just learned how
because of my extreme aversion to cameras, i dont know how often i'll have this opportunity
me: hahahaha
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imagine is a strong word
me: he bought his not girlfriend a Droid
apparently he's in love
K: whoa
me: right? i didn't tell you though, cause its supposedly a secret
K: is he dating the same girl?
me: yep, thats the not girlfriend
K: that not gf is getting some real gf perks
me: seriously
K: i imagine (well, imagine is a strong word) that when they have sex, it's like vince vaughan and isla fisher in wedding crashers
me: .......
probably
but i really don't ever want to think about their sex life
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unnecessarily long chat about Labyrinth
D: Jennifer Connelly has such a crush on me
me: really?
how do you know?
D: did you know we were born near each other almost on the same day?
me: no
D: she writes to me constantly
me: wow, you're so lucky
how are you not together RIGHT NOW?
D: 100 miles and 4 days between our hearts
me: awwwwww
you should propose to her
with a magic glass ball
that holds all her dreams
D: Paul Bettany is married to her
not that I know all this shit about her or anything... (looks innocent)
me: well, clearly, he is not meant to be with her
she wants you, you just have to make that move
D: no but I can wait
me: well thats very generous of you
D: I'm no homewrecker
me: i think Jennifer Connelly is a good reason to home wreck
D: true
me: i'd fuck up Iman if I thought i had one smidgen of a chance with Bowie
D: plus that dude's probably a choad
me: totes
does every man i know have a crush on her
D: on whom? JC?
me: yes
D: I will kick their asses
me: HAHAHAHA
D: she wants ME
eh, I suppose I could share my imaginary girlfriend
me: why bother?
if its imaginary, it should be perfect
D: true
me: is it wrong that as adults, Labyrinth makes us want to have sex?
D: not at all
me: but then, bowie ALWAYS makes me want sex
even when he's dancing in a unitard with mick jagger
D: true
it's his magic goblin king powers
me: oh yes
he can have power over me anytime
thats one hot goblin
D: also, saying something about guys drooling over JC when you are busy lusting after Bowie is kind of a non-sequitur
me: it seems to sequit just fine to me
and i get the JC crush
its more surprise at its depth
i mean, i may have a crush on her
wow, am i two kinds of gay?
D: apparently
me: hmmmm
D: it's different with me though cause she crushes on me...
I'm kinda meh about her
me: you know, i have that same issue with Johnny Depp
he totes wants me
but me? i'm all "I don't know Johnny, the sequels to Pirates made me really lose respect for you"
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who skateboards everywhere
me: i'm watching a sales/support argument between old jew, young chinese guy, and pompous polish guy
JA: fun
me: i should REALLY be writing a sitcom
JA: yes
me: ok, life plan- secret supper club hosting sitcom writing housewife
who skateboards everywhere
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the owl or the snazzy napper
D: the owl or the snazzy napper
which is my new rap name btw
me: 1. both
2. YES
can't wait to hear the rap songs
D: also, I almost typoed "my new rape name"
which... yeah
me: um.....yeah......
glad you caught that
this conversation may be recorded for legal purposes
D: and reblogged
me: =D
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i miss the gym
JA: haha
friend's status update on fb “One Step Forward, Two Steps Back; Planning my gym schedule around what's on the food network."
me: that's awesome
also, incredibly standard
at least half the tv's in any gym are on food network
the other half are ESPN
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the Obamas are so getting an invite to my wedding
me: oh, the Obamas are so getting an invite to my wedding
JA: your wedding?
me: am i supposed to say our wedding?
JA: ;)
me: that would sound like i'm proposing again.....
JA: hah
me: i mean, if we're going to fulfill traditional roles here, i'm clearly not going to propose
JA: you better not
that's definitely my job
me: deal
i'll stick to having babies and making dinner?
unless you'd like to have the babies?
that could work for me
JA: haha
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so....that's a no then?
JA: probably going to adopt her legally as family
me: will you adopt me too?
JA: did you just propose to me?
me: hahaha
it would be appropriate for that to happen in a chat, no?
JA: probably, yeah
me: so....that's a no then?
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foursquare app fail
me: so i downloaded this foursquare app
since i feel all lame that i don't check in places
and its checked me into the park 3 times in 2 hours
JA: like an auto check in app?
me: ya, i think its busted
i thought i would see what happened
JA: yeah those seem like they'd be tough to use well
me: i just turned it off
so it immediately checked me into the park again
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i brought my spring chicken with me
me: i've been eating so fucking much lately, and half of that sweets
i kinda just want celery stick
sticks
not just one
D: lol
no, just one
me: i did eat at some super cheesy seafood place on fire island last night
so maybe i should just have one
D: fire island?
jesus you really are a gay man
me: AND it was The Pines
of course
D: lol
me: but it was so pretty!
D: did you have some spring chicken?
or are you more of a bear man?
me: i brought my spring chicken with me
D: lol
me: and my fruit fly
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I can quitz any time
D: I almost cannot see a photo without thinking of a caption these days...
me: i really think you have an addiction.
is there a 12 step program for this?
D: no but I may make a lolcat about it
me: or should you maybe take up heroin to get LOLz out of your system?
D: :p
HAHA
me: wow, you are in this deep
D: I can quitz any time
me: any timez youz wantz
D: lulz?
me: what is "lul"?
D: lol
me: ah, trixy spellings of familiar acronyms.
classic LOLz addiction
D: oh snap
me: i think i may need to stage an intervention
D: it's like when people start saying "lol" or "teh"
(which I do sometimes)
me: oh, yes, you are gone, gone, gone
skip the intervention
straight to therapy
force you to sit in a room and watch 12 straight hours of captioned photos
until you can't see straight anymore
D: I think that would make it worse
me: you think that would actually encourage you to continue?
D: yes
but ... I can stop...
me: really?
stop then.
D: I don't wanna
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my friends are Aussie sluts
L: this sydney guy...who was traumatized because his little dog was attacked by a pitbull in his building and was taken to the emergency vet and had to leave him there overnight...which i was like, no way, but he had blood on his shorts drinking at posh...was like i am so traumatized and i can't sleep with my dog tonight,so he said i should come home with him, lol
i was like...wow spit that game, lol
me: and did you????
aussies are usually hot
L: lol no, i was crashing at my friends
i did give him my number
me: nice!
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what peculiar behavior
JA: wait, you were doing work?
me: i was!
really!
JA: are you feeling ok?
me: i came in pretty happy, so it led to doing work
JA: what peculiar behavior
"I'm happy... let's do something about that!"